Dating in the last two decades has taken a turn for the worse, we’ve gone from making each other playlists and falling in love to social media likes and never-ending talking stages. The idea of romance and true love has been misconstrued by social media as well as our ever-growing fear of commitment.
Social media has impacted the way we date in several ways. We have more access to millions of people at the touch of our fingertips. It allows you to develop strong online relationships without them ever flourishing into something more, the list goes on.
What is the talking stage?
The talking stage does what it says on the tin, it’s when you’re talking to someone for a respectable period of time. You may sleep with each other, or go out for food or drinks etc, but this is not to get confused with a date of course! Because even though everything that the talking stage includes mirrors that of a date if someone were to ask if you’re dating the person you’re talking to, the answer would be no. And that is the excruciating thing about the talking stage.
Many people will describe the talking stage as a relationship minus the title, which otherwise translates to ‘a relationship with no commitment.’
So many times you will hear people say, ‘Oh I’m just not looking for anything serious right now.” Yet they will continue to spend every day they have free with you, and act as if you are in a loving committed relationship. The lines of dating have become blurred, leaving many people stuck in the talking stage, looking for ways to get out but it seems as though the only way to get out of the talking stage is to stop talking.
Research shows that 75% of Gen Z people are single, a drastically high percentage when compared to older generations. So how does one progress from the talking stage to an actual committed relationship? It seems as though no one has the answer.
As previously mentioned fear of commitment plays a big part in young people’s attraction to the talking stage. Young people have been alienated from committed as a result of social media. Nowadays young people may feel as though the idea of committing to one person is absurd especially when social media gives them access to hundreds of people they may possibly be interested in seconds. Not to mention their dependence on digital communications, that have over time disintegrated their real-life social skills.
The idea of commitment is not something young people long for anymore, instead, they see it as an inconvenience and chore. A chore they have to complete to keep someone else happy.
Now, of course, individual people have individual views on commitment and many will be impacted by their previous experiences with relationships. Some people may have trust issues and shy away from commitment because they have been previously cheated on, while others fear commitment because they’re scared of hurting someone else if they don’t live up to those expectations. Whatever category you fall under social media plays a part, you either fear the easy access your partner has to people through social media or you use social media as a way of accessing people you shouldn’t be entertaining.
Social media over time has also destroyed people’s perceptions of relationships. Comparison is a thief of joy and that’s exactly what it's done to many relationships. People tend to forget that we only share our best moments on social media, and they get too tied up in trying to outdo others. The same applies to relationships, we compare our relationships to ones we see online and our expectations change, most of the time for the worse. How realistic is it for you to expect a buss down bracelet from your 9-5 working man, just because that’s what your favourite influencer couple did?
The thing about the talking stage is it could be a good thing, it could be a time to discover one another, set expectations, and see if you really like this person or if you’re just looking to fill a void. But matched with a fear of commitment and lack of communication it ends up just being a waste of time.
The talking stage is a never-ending cycle, where both parties are to blame. On one hand, you’ve got the person who claims to fear commitment yet continues to get into long-lasting talking stages. On the other hand, you have the person stuck in the talking stage with them, a person who fails to communicate they want something more, over a fear of losing their talking stage partner.
I really liked this article and have read and enjoyed many of your other ones too. These thoughts you have written in this article have been on the tip of my tongue for a long time now and I appreciate that you have put them out into the world on your own platform. As a young aspiring journalist, what you have got going here is a great inspiration, so thank you.
hey :)